Parenting with a new baby can be hard, but I believe both partners should be comfortable and willing to do what’s necessary to care for their child — it can’t just fall on one.
Unfortunately, that seems to be what is happening in this wild situation posted by u/Kooky_lady, a 29-year-old mom raising a 6-month-old with her boyfriend. Here’s the full story: “So me(29) and my bf(28) have a 6-month-old baby who is exclusively breastfed. Every night she wants to be nursed to sleep, which is fine, but I also like to take a shower every night before getting into bed.”
“So sometimes after I get her to sleep, I’ll do some things before my shower like do dishes, clean up a little, or whatever.”
“But lately, she’s been waking up after about 45 and crying and won’t settle unless I get back in bed with her (we co-sleep) and put her on the boob.”
“So tonight, I fed her and went to get right in the shower rather than doing my usual cleaning because I knew I had about 45 minutes, but his dog started barking at something and woke her up. I had to get out of the shower halfway to settle her.”
“So now, he’s telling me that I need to start showering during the day, and I can’t shower at night because she always wakes up, but like no one’s here to help me during the day, so I just feel like at night it makes the most sense.”
“I also feel like he needs to learn how to settle her because it’s not fair that all of the responsibility is on me, and I can’t even take a freaking shower before bed.”
“Anyway am I being unreasonable? Like I want to continue to shower at night before going to bed but I don’t know if maybe I’m not being fair to him and our baby.”
As you’d expect, most people were heavily on the mom’s side and pretty angry at the dad for not stepping up to do his part…
“Not the asshole. He’s the asshole. It’s beyond time for him to learn how to settle her,” BBGLD said.
“Dude can’t spend a few flipping minutes with his own baby, so that OP can shower?! Seriously?” conflictmuffin agreed.
“So many men don’t realize that moms work 24/7, literally no days off, ever. Kids are a full-time job. Keeping up with errands, cooking, and cleaning is a full-time job. Unpaid labor is very real. OP’s partner needs to step it TF up so that she can do the most basic of hygiene tasks, for the sake of her own physical and mental health.”
“You should be allowed to take a basic shower at night without being treated like the entire baby care system collapses the second you step away,” Powerful_Watermelon added.
And Holiday_Tree_2130 shared how they also struggled to find time to shower with two new babies, but their partner went out of his way to ensure she had “self-care” moments…
“My partner and I have 2 babies together. Both babies have only wanted me. He has always been adamant that, at the very least, I should get a hot shower every night and have some time to myself. It has been the same for both babies, every night I would hand them to him, they would wake up and SCREAM until they were back on me. If I had waited to shower until they were in bed, I would be missing out on sleep, as I do all night wake-ups. I would say ‘I’ll go as fast as I can’ and his response has always been ‘Take your time, you need this for you. I’ve got this, [baby] is safe. Enjoy your shower.’ I walk into the bathroom, and he has lit candles for me and turned out the lights so that I can relax somewhat. Baby has screamed the entire time, and he walks around the house, cuddling and talking to them the entire time, trying to calm them. He should be parenting and supporting you, not making you feel like a single parent in a relationship.”
What are your thoughts? Let us know in the comments below.
