There is a general attitude people have when they don’t understand something or a community. Instead of taking the time to educate ourselves about a subject matter so we can operate from a place of knowledge, we tend to reduce the essence of that subject matter to fit our limited perspectives. Autism is not an exception; it has become one of the most misconstrued subject matters in recent times, and unfortunately, autistic children usually bear the brunt of this because they are more vulnerable to social stigma, peer pressure and easy targets owing to their being in a formative and emotionally immature phase of life.
A while ago, I watched a parent offering material incentives to anyone who would marry his autistic son. I wish I knew more about the context of that marital consummation, but on face value, it does come off the wrong way despite the best intentions. Treating autistic children as an inconvenience, pawns to be traded, or trophies to be collected doesn’t exactly help the negative stereotyping. I also must state categorically that I’m not in any way a certified child psychologist, but I believe in leveraging my unique skillset in communications to create content that can, at the very least, serve as a conversation starter.
What exactly is autism?
Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is a neurodevelopmental condition characterised by challenges in social communication and interaction, and by restricted, repetitive behaviours or interests. Whilst there are common traits of autism such as limitations with social skills, repetitive behaviours, speech and non-verbal communication, the actual exhibitions can be very distinct for individual cases. Some autistic people have intellectual disabilities, others have verbal challenges, while most people have physical limitations that require being chaperoned. One important fact to note is that there is no single scientifically-proven cause of autism; whilst there are generally risk factors, the two closest factors that most researchers posit are genetics and environment, which is neither here nor there.
So it’s very out of pocket when people bully autistic children as originating from a dark place or surmise that their birth is a punishment for the indiscretions of one or both parents. None of us chose the circumstances of our births; it means that our anatomy and physiology, to a great extent, were already pre-determined. Just as you wouldn’t expect to be held responsible for how you look physically or function, it would be very unfair to hold others, especially children, to that standard. Our cultural and religious biases are quick to kick in when interrogating why a child is different from others; everything mustn’t have a spiritual slant – it’s not that deep. There is a simple rule in communication which is particularly true for addressing such a sensitive community: if you can’t say something nice, then shut up!
What autism is not
Autism is not a disease. For something to qualify to be called a disease, it should possess clinical, molecular, epidemiological and pathological characteristics. Translation: since autism cannot be contracted, spread or cured, it cannot be classified as an illness. Hence, isolating autistic children from those unfounded assumptions is simply ignorant.
Autism is not caused by poor parenting. An autistic child is not an indictment on his or her parents. As I referenced earlier, it’s nobody has full control of the circumstances of their birth, and this includes parents. They are often challenged to learn more about autism and do their best to navigate their child through life.
Autism is not a learning disability. This is another popular misconception. What some autistic children have is a challenge with conventional learning approaches. Dyslexia is what challenges a child’s ability to read and write, while autism is more evident in social communication and interaction.
Autism is not a sign of low intelligence. Autistic children have the full complement of their cognitive functions, just as I mentioned in the previous point; what they are challenged with is the expression of that intelligence, which make come off as incoherent. Challenges with social communication don’t equate to a low IQ. Most autistic people are brilliant inventors; it doesn’t take rocket science to know this.
Autism is not a static condition. The characteristics of autism differ from child to child; some are more obvious than others. However, the plethora of signs can be easily deduced as some of the signature traits of autistic people. Different factors play a part in determining how each exhibits those traits.
Some signs of children with autism
Autistic children find safety or comfort in preferred routines. In their social interactions, they are quick to recognise patterns because it means they can build a lifestyle around those ‘structures’. This means they are quite upset with the changes made in their space because, alongside those changes, comes the loss of predictability, which implies they have to recalibrate and relearn what could be considered the new status quo. This may manifest as a tantrum, but the underlying reason is the disruption of their ‘normal’.
Autistic children are often clumsy. You may not get that social savvy and suave from autistic people because they struggle with coordinating their execution. Whether it be something as simple as walking, talking or even singing. Sometimes they make the same gesture or genuflect over and over again, but it may not always be in sync with others. In extreme or rare cases, they can engage in activities that hurt them or have an increased likelihood of physically hurting themselves.
Autistic children can be disproportionately affected, responsive or sensitive to things like light, sound or touch. They can either have a higher or lower threshold to pain; this means that they process pain a little differently from others, which is either hyposensitivity or hypersensitivity.
Autistic children are easily fascinated by exotic or sophisticated images, objects or phenomena, even when they don’t have an idea how such things work. Their brain activity can be very intense when focusing on something or engaging in activities they are immersed in. As much as possible, adults around them should take on the thankless job of explaining or showing them how those things work in great detail.
Autistic children can also be picky with the food they eat. This behaviour is associated with a sense of familiarity or routine, as pointed out in the first point. Food is not just nourishment but a symbol of order and predictability; this becomes more pronounced where they have sensitivities, allergies or gastrointestinal issues.
How to better care for autistic children
The safety of routines. Without trying to make their lives monotonous, it would go a long way to creating a healthy physical and emotional environment for them, whether it’s a visual, acoustic or even sentimental items such as clothes, toys or even their favourite cartoon. To everyone else, it might just be a shoe, but an autistic child might have an emotional connection with that item more than they could ever articulate.
Follow their lead. Especially for parents, there is a huge propensity to control the behaviour of their children because they believe they know better. That is not necessarily a wrong thing, but with autistic children, you’re better off understanding them than commanding them. You can still teach them your values and life lessons, but have it at the back of your mind that autistic children process information differently, so you have to meet them where they are.
Let them know why. If an autistic child is in your care, you will be doing them and yourself a disservice by assuming they understand the reason for your actions. Break things down, brace up to answer questions with obvious answers and let them know that, beyond any reason you give for your actions, you love them. It might be a labour of love, but down the road, you will be glad you dug your heels in. It’s easier to raise a child with whom you share a bond; autistic children are no different.
Stand up for them. In an unforgiving world, you might be the first and sometimes the only person who loves them unconditionally. Especially in school or social circles, whenever they are being bullied or stigmatised, show up and let them know that you are not indifferent to their challenges. Standing up for them also includes allowing them to express themselves in a way that makes them feel heard. Also, use such opportunities as teach moments for those who are not informed about autism.
Invest in therapy where you can afford it. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) can help autistic children who suffer greatly from bouts of anxiety. It doesn’t mean the child has a problem, but such sessions help the child become more self-aware and expressive. Some of the challenges that come with autism tend to be eased as the child grows up, but you must invest in their ability to live independent lives as much as possible.
