We’ve all been there: It’s 6 a.m. and the very last thing you want to do is get out of bed for that way-too-early HIIT class you already paid for. Or, if you’re a remote worker like me, you know you really should go on that jog you planned your entire day around…but also, what if you just didn’t? So. Tempting.
It’s embarrassingly easy to put off that thing you know you should do—but why? As Janelle S. Peifer, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist and assistant professor at the University of Richmond told me, we humans like short-cuts and habits that minimize the cognitive, physical, and emotional load we’re exposed to in our daily lives. In other words, we’re kinda lazy. Plus, certain activities can bring up uncertainty, stress, and even feel like threats to our self-esteem, she tells SELF.
I get it. The urge to bail can be intense—even if you know, deep-down, that said activity is good for you and may very well better your life. As Dr. Peifer told me, your brain likes to play games with you—but there are some powerful tricks you can use to outsmart that instinct to flake so you don’t wind up regretting ditching your plans. Here are a few to try.
Validate your feelings. Step one: Acknowledge that the task you’re avoiding is challenging. Oftentimes, we tell ourselves we’re weak or flawed by not following through with something that’s relatively simple. “You might think, ‘Why can’t I do this, I said I was going to do it,’” says Dr. Peifer.
But negative emotions like punishment and guilt cause you to procrastinate and further reduce the chance you’ll follow through. For example, if every time you don’t go to the gym you beat yourself up about it, you’ll stop even trying to motivate yourself to do it. On the flip side, when you feel positive and capable about your to-dos, you’ll naturally feel less resistance and therefore be less likely to drag your feet.
So, normalize the struggle—recognize that the task, whether it be getting off your couch to meet up with friends or scheduling those doctor appointments you’re past due for, is going to take some work and effort. When you take this approach, you’ll feel less like a failure, which will reduce the chances you’ll give up, says Dr. Peifer.
Break down your task into tiny, achievable parts. People often set intense, lofty goals that are inherently tough to achieve, says Dr. Peifer. Maybe you signed up for a gym membership and enrolled in fitness classes every single night of the week. Or, perhaps, you bought enough ingredients at the grocery store to meal prep five dinners in a row.
Going from zero to 100 is a fool’s errand, says Dr. Peifer, and you’re more likely to stick with your plans when you aim to accomplish small, attainable tasks. Maybe that means you only go to the gym two times a week or cook three nights and let yourself dine out or order in (or graze on whatever you have laying around) the other nights.
Then, when you actually have to walk out the door, focus on the steps you need to take—put on your sneakers, go outside, walk or drive to the grocery store—instead of the monumental cooking sesh you’re about to have, says Claudia Giolitti-Wright, MA, LMFT, the founder and clinical director of Psychotherapy for Young Women.
Humans are way more likely to complete realistic tasks than goals or activities that are much broader, harder, or complex, says Dr. Peifer. This is why I opt for 20-minute Peloton rides instead of 45- or 60-minute sessions on my busier (or lazier) days—they simply feel more attainable. And, guess what, I still feel fantastic after!
Again, this brings us back to that idea of positive reinforcement: If you feel proud or accomplished when you complete your plans, you’re more likely to follow through next time. “You’re getting intermittent reinforcements that are like gas in the tank,” Dr. Peifer says.
Focus on the process, not the outcomes. It’s easy to reduce a workout or other to-do to just that: a to-do that you need to check off so that you can say you got it done. But focusing on all of the tiny positive things you’ll get out of the process can actually be more motivating. “Avoidance often gets worse when the goal is outcome-based,” says Giolitti-Wright.
So, rather than going into something focusing on what you need to do or what the end result will be, try to be present and focus on what you’ll get out of the journey. Take a Peloton ride, for example. Focusing on how you have to exert yourself for 45 minutes can make it feel daunting (and kind of like a chore), but when you think about what the ride will actually be like—bopping along to fun music, high-fiving random strangers on the leaderboard, laughing at whatever-the-hell Cody Rigsby says next—you’ll probably find your finger backing away from the cancel button.
Get an accountability buddy. Another quick hack: Team up with a pal who can hold you accountable. “We often try to do things individualistically,” says Dr. Peifer, “but feeling committed to and supported by other people can be really helpful.”
Research shows teaming up with others boosts follow through. Essentially, whether you’re planning to work out, read, eat, whatever, you’ll feel happier and more motivated when you do it with a buddy. So, text a friend and ask them to give you a brief pep talk. Or invite them to that networking happy hour you’ve got penciled in (but are dreading). It’s far easier to commit when you’re in it together. And if it’s as bad as you feared it would be, you’ll at least have someone to commiserate with.
Allow yourself to take a raincheck. Finally, and I am a huge advocate for this tip, know when it’s time to pivot. Sometimes that inner voice telling you to take it easy is onto something. Perhaps said activity is simply not a good fit for you—maybe you’re not feeling so jazzed about Pilates because you’re actually more of a long walk outdoors kinda person (me!). That’s important intel!
There’s also a chance you need to slow down. If you’re tired, hungry, sick, or in pain, listen to those cues—your body’s trying to tell you something. Reassess your goal and either give yourself permission to scale back to something that feels way more attainable (like we talked about above) or reschedule it for later in the week. Rest is also productive.
I’ll leave you with one final tip: If you wind up postponing, be nice to yourself. Tell yourself you’re maxed out and will reset and try again soon, or that you aren’t quitting, but rather, pacing yourself, says Giolitti-Wright. “If you bail, bail kindly, don’t turn it into a character attack,” she says.
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